With my parents, life was very wonderful. I was very loved because I was the first born. I had four sisters and one brother who was the last born.
In 1992, I started to notice some abnormal and horrible events. I saw some houses on fire, cows killed by force and not by their owners. With my parents, we moved from our home and found refuge at the primary school of Nyamata. Some days later, we went back to our house. I was 12 years old, and I started to understand why they wanted to kill us, who wanted to kill us and to hear about some political parties. The tensions continued to build up to 1994.
Early in the morning of 7th April 1994 our father came in our bed room. He was very afraid. I didn’t know what happened to him, I was not used to seeing him like that. He took us in his arms and hugged us tightly. Without saying anything he went back to his room. We were all surprised, we couldn’t know. From that day, in our region hutu started to kill tutsi. Because we were tutsi, we had to die. Every hutu had to find a tutsi, wherever they were hidden, and kill him/her. They also started to look for us in order to kill us.
We heard a lot of cries and gun shots. It was the first time in my life to experience this. We tried to find somewhere to hide ourselves, and I became separated from my family. We were in the marsh and there was lot of water which reached our ankles.
After one week of running and hiding in the marsh, spending nights in the bushes, and jumping over dead bodies, I saw Interahamwe killing 3 people who were asking for forgiveness. But the Interahamwe were only laughing at them. I also saw the interahamwe killing children. I was no longer myself; I had become like an animal. I found my grandfather and we spent three days together, he was very sad and had lost hope. I was very sorry for him. He finally decided he would no longer hide himself. He asked me to leave him alone, but I first refused. He insisted, blessing me and wishing me God’s protection. To convince me to leave, he told me that we would meet again and live in peace.
I left him and tried to hide myself. I continually changed my hiding place because I was very afraid. Sometimes, the killers came near me, near the bush in which I was, and God made him leave without seeing me. Some killers even threw stones into the bushes where I was hidden.
After another one week, I heard that they were planning a big attack to kill everyone remaining and I looked for a big, thick bush and went in to hide. I thought they couldn’t see me unless they burnt it. At 2pm, that day (I don’t remember the date), I heard the group of killers coming. They came around my bush, and I heard one of them giving orders to look every where, because there were “ Inyenzi” (cockroaches) inside. One of them saw me, and happily called every body, saying he had found one. So they started to cut all the branches until they reached me. They took me and put me between them. I was surprised to see a girl among them, with a big bag in which they put things taken from people they had killed. The girl asked me to take off my shoes and to give them to her and I didn’t. I knew already they were going to kill me. One took from the pocket of my tee-shirt 1000 000 of Congo currency which were equivalent to 1000 Frw (about £1). He was very happy to have that big amount and put it in his pocket. At that time, I was hearing around me cries of those who were being killed. Even in the bush, there were other people and I had thought that I was alone there. There, they found another boy, who had a Bible in his hand. The boy showed them his identity card, as a proof he was “umuhutu”, then they let him go. I told them that I was also Umuhutu thinking they would let me go, but they didn’t trust me.
I found a grass house that had not been burnt where I could stay. At my grandfather’s home there was a dog called Six who had had puppies. The dog knew me very well and loved me. The dog found me at my uncle’s with its puppies. I could see the sorrow in the eyes of that dog. It slept down on my legs. I was afraid that she would eat me because I was bleeding and my bones were visible, but she didn’t. Even when the puppies approached me, she chased them away from me. In the morning, she took one puppy and left it with me. Another one she took to my grandfather’s house. She kept coming to check on me and see how I was doing. The next day a young hutu boy named Nsabimana who I knew very well came and found me where I was sleeping. When he saw me he took my broken leg and tried to break it again. At that moment I thought my leg had been torn off. He threw me outside. Taking his club he beat me on my head. When he thought that I was dead he left.
Later another group of killers came. They beat every part of my body. They said they would come back again to finish me. In the evening my uncle came to see if I was still alive. I couldn’t see very well, it was as if I was dead. My uncle couldn’t do anything, he was paralyzed by sorrow. He found sweet potatoes for me to eat. The dog came back after the killers were gone from where it had been hiding. In the morning, as I couldn’t move, when I wanted to go to the toilet I had to go where I was lying. The place was full of waste; it was a fright to see. My cuts were full of large maggots and flies swarmed around me. It was as if I was a corpse. My uncle came with an old lady. They tried to put herbs on my cuts as the traditional treatment, and then left to go back to their hiding place. I told them thank you. They told me it was no problem and to be patient, that if they were still alive they would come back. I was very fortunate because no more killers came. That evening I saw some people I knew including some relatives. They spent the night there because in the night they were safe from killers. They passed the night talking about people who had died and how they’d been killed, and those who weren’t dead but were injured and those who might have survived. I learned that my father died while he was trying to come to see me after he’d heard what had happened to me. While they were talking I heard that the RPF was about to take over the country. They were about to reach our place. The next day at five pm my uncle came to take his daughter from the group who had spent the night there. Everyone left with him and I stayed alone. I thought they were going to join the RPF. I stayed alone with the flies and the maggots in my body. My clothes were full of fleas so I took them off. They were also in my hair and I was always scratching. My hair became brittle. I continued to live like that, waiting for my death. I didn’t see anyone, killers or survivors. I started to think about myself. I was so hungry and thirsty.
Five meters away there was a garden of cassava and sorghum. I tried to push myself there to get cassava and eat it with my one good arm. One day I went down to some papaya trees. In those trees there were many birds eating the papaya. I tried to use my good leg to beat the tree so that papaya would fall down to me, but they didn’t. To drink water, I used a broken plate to collect water when it rained. When it rained I was very lucky. During that time I was no longer afraid. I did not fear the killers because I was waiting to die. In the morning I would go to the street to be in the sun. I would sing hymns hoping that people would hear me, but no one heard me. I was alone. Everyone was dead. Those who had survived had gone to the RPF. Even the killers had left thinking that no one had survived. I felt so lonely, but I continued to sing. I asked God to allow me to see one other person who was alive. Suddenly I saw two children, a girl and a boy 5 and 7 years old. I was overjoyed. I asked them where they were coming from. The boy told me that he was coming from his hiding place because he’d lost his parents. The girl was coming from her home where they’d killed her mother and father. The children said that we would stay together and they would not leave me. After three days with the children we heard people coming. I told them that this was our last day. I asked the children to search for a place to hide but they were paralyzed with fear. I told them that I would pretend to be dead and that if they asked them anything to tell them I was dead. I had no way of knowing what they would say. The killers came. I pretended to be dead. They asked the children about the one sleeping there. The children said at the same time that I was already dead. The killer took his club and beat my leg. I didn’t make any sound. They told the children to go with them because the RPF was near. The children followed them. When they reached the gate I heard the children crying and screaming as they cut them with their machetes. They killed those children. After the killers left, Six the dog went to the place where the children had been killed. She brought the head of the little girl to me. When I saw her head I cried. It was the first time I had cried. I started to think about my sisters, my mother, my father, my grandfather, my aunts, and others. I was despaired.
I spent another week without seeing anyone, only dogs coming to scavenge in the dogs. All I could see were dead bodies and dogs and myself. I could still only move by pushing myself while sitting on my haunches. I was thinking that maybe the RPF had taken Nyamata and people from my home place did not know that I was still alive. I decided to walk and try to find even one person from my place. I walked for one km with that dog, pushing myself on the ground. I spent the night in a school. In the morning I continued on my way without any problems, not meeting any killers. I met a 10 year old boy carrying a little bag. When he saw me he was afraid but I told him to fear. He gave me eggplant to eat from that bag and water to drink. He told me that he was fleeing because there were many killers where he was coming from. I told him I was headed to the main road to try to see someone I knew. I asked him to come with me and he did. He walked slowly so as to not leave me behind. We arrived to the main road in the evening. We went to the home of my cousins’ father. We tried to hide in the cow shed. There we found the dead bodies of all my cousins. We spent the night under the avocado trees along the road. All night it rained on us.
Two days later around 10 am we heard some people laughing and talking together. The boy I was with went to hide because he was afraid. I wanted to call them knowing that if they were killers they would kill me anyway, but the young boy begged me not to. An hour later they returned. This time I called them and they found me. I knew some of them, but they did not recognize me. I had to tell them who I was. They were very sad, they thought that I was already dead. They told me not to worry, that I would survive. They wanted to take me with them, but there bicycles were already full of others things and other injured people. They told me that the RPF had taken Nyamata three weeks before. I hoped that they would return for me, but they did not come back. I asked the boy to go join others in Nyamata because it was peaceful there. I asked him that if he found anyone from my home place to tell them where I was so that they could come and find me. My dog went with him and I never saw them again. Two days after the child left I heard young girls and boys laughing. They also heard me. I knew one of the girls, she was my neighbour. She was with two soldiers. When they saw me, they sat down and cried. I couldn’t cry, crying was not for me. They left promising they would come back for me the next day. They went to the banana plantation to bring me food. They tried to feed me but I showed them how I could eat with my one good arm. In the morning they came back with a wheelbarrow and put me inside. It was the only way to move me because I couldn’t even sit on a bicycle. As we went, they talked to me the whole way. We reached Nyamata center. There I found people living in peace, as if it was their normal life. People were amazed to see me in my condition. They took me to a school where nurses were taking care of people who were injured. I no longer thought that I was going to die. I spent one month there while they were treating my infections, trying to get the maggots out of my wounds. I was transferred to another hospital called Ririma in Gashora district. They did surgery on my leg and I had to stay there for four weeks. I couldn’t eat what they prepared for me. They then transferred me again, this time to King Faisal Hospital. There were many people there like me, but others had loved ones to take care of them. But there were some people charged with caring for people like me who had no loved ones to care for them. In the hospital my leg was causing me a lot of pain. They did four operations. I wanted them to amputate my leg, but they didn’t. Finally the pain went away. The doctors liked me and cared about me. They bought nice food for me. I was moved to a new room that only had two people. There with me was a soldier who liked me so much. He cared for me because he had people caring for him. There was also a white lady who loved me very much. I asked her for a pen and papers and colored pencils. I started to draw using my left hand. I liked to draw soldiers, I don’t know why. I also began to write the names of my siblings and parents and I put them on the wall next to my bed. Every day nurses or doctors came into my room to check on me and were surprised by the drawings. Everyone who visited my neighbour left me money so that I could buy what I needed. As my condition improved, they began to tell me that it was time for me to leave the hospital. They didn’t insist too much because I had nowhere to go. One of the doctors decided to take me to his home. Before I went to live with him, my godparents came to see me and took me with them. The doctor allowed me to go with them. I went there the next day. When I left all of the doctors and nurses and even some of the patients escorted me to the car.
I arrived at my godparents’ house and they treated me well. After some time I began to think about my studies. I told them that I wanted to return to school. Because I couldn’t walk very well they recommended that I wait. I couldn’t even write well because I had to use my left hand. Finally I started to study at Apade School. When I went there the students were amazed to see me. They received me very well and helped me to take notes. When I was at home I tried to write with my left hand. I didn’t stay at Apade because they began to chase out students who didn’t have school fees. After they chased me out two times, I told my godparents that I couldn’t go back there. I began to attend Lycée de Kigali. There also students were amazed to see me. Everyone was talking about me in the whole school. Many students would come from other classes to see me. It was so difficult to take notes, but I tried my best. Some of the students became my friends and helped me. I liked mathematics and physics and succeeded in those courses. That year I had a lot of success in class. I had to take a taxi bus to reach my home in Remera. The wife of my godfather began to be upset with me. She told the house girl to stop washing my clothes. My godfather would give me 100 Frw for transport fees and she would take 50 of them. That meant that I could get to school but would not have the money to get back. I had to ask my friends for money.
Some of my relatives learned that I was still alive. One was an uncle who lived in Kiyovu near my school. He was doing well and he was a good friend of my godfather. He suggested that I should stay with him while I studied. I had a good life there. During my holidays I was supposed to stay with my godfather but his wife treated me badly, forcing me to stay with my uncle. My godfather and his wife were always fighting because of me. Finally my godfather told my uncle that I should stay with him. I stayed with him until I was in Senior 4. At that time he left the country without telling anyone, even me. Later he wrote me a letter asking me to forgive him. I didn’t know what to do. His relatives came to take everything from his property. He did not own the house where we were staying. I chose to go to boarding school in Ruhengeri where I finished my secondary school. During the holidays I didn’t have anywhere to go.
Later I met my cousin who was married. He offered that I could stay with him and I accepted. A few days later he also left the country. I stayed with his wife and children and other relatives. I stayed with his wife, but it was a problem because she was hutu. I decided to move away and live alone. I had already finished Senior 6. I went to live with my friends. I told them it would only be for a few days. During that time I found a scholarship for university at ULK (Université Libre de Kigali). I would walk 5 km from Kimisagara to ULK. I spent the whole day there without anything to eat. Each morning I would go to university. One of my friends who I was living with told me that I needed to move out of their house. He told me that there were many charges, even though it wasn’t true. I told him to be patient but every two days he asked me to move. I went to ask another of my fellow students from ULK if I could stay with him. I stayed with him, and he was obliged to always give me something to eat. He used to come home drunk and insult me. One night I came home from ULK to study and I found that all the doors were locked. He refused to open for me. At 11 pm I went to ask other students for accommodation. They allowed me to stay with them for 2 days. AERG (Association des eleves et etudiants rescapes du genocide) found me a place to stay inside their office. But when they moved from there I could no longer stay in the office and had to search for another place to live. They gave me 20.000 Frw and I went to search for a house. I found one which cost 7.000 per month. The only thing I had in that house was a mattress. I continued to live in those conditions. It was so bad that I can not find the words to describe it on this paper.
One day one of my colleagues came and told me about Solace. He invited me to go there with him and I accepted. When I got there they received me very well. Everyone I met there received me well and promised to stay close to me. I felt at home there. I found many others who were like me, but I also found love and God in their prayer services. They have stayed close to me as they promised. I started to have hope because I found people I could consider like my parents. As I’m talking I’m still studying. I’m about to finish my third year of university in Economics. I’m still facing life, but I am with God who opens doors, especially through Solace Ministries. That was my life, before, during, and after the Genocide.
Thank you for taking the time to read my testimony.
Mulisa Fred
